A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, “Dad”. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

I’ve been banned from having birthdays
A new rule has been made
Signed ,sealed and delivered
By the local Fire Brigade!
They say that all those candles
Would create such a blaze
They’d have to come and put it out
And stay around for days !

So, I guess I’ll have to party
Without the birthday cake,
Perhaps I’ll light one candle
Just for old time’s sake ,
Those firemen ! So fit and strong,
Such handsome looking men -
Whose birthday is it ,anyway ?
Let’s light them all again !