Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

School:A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance:A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

Manager: Sorry, but i can’t give u a job. I don’t need much help.
Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact I’m just the right person in
this case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

“Join our Fast-Paced Company”:
We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”:
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“Duties Will Vary”:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must Have An Eye For Detail”:
We have no quality control.

“Career-Minded”:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“No Phone Calls Please”:
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety Of Experience”:
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“Problem-Solving Skills a Must”:
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“Requires Team Leadership Skills”:
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good Communication Skills”:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

A big company offered $50 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees.

First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to $25.

What the new Job-Lingo really means!

“Join our Fast-Paced Company”:
We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”:
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”:
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager