Posted on January 3, 2009 | Category: Funny Quotes
The sincerest love is the love of food.
_Bernard Shaw .
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.
_Josh Billings
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What ..does a woman want?”
_Freud
Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
_David Bissonette
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him
Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.”
_Mae West
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
_Ambrose Bierce
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law
Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
_Oscar Wilde
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
_Zsa Zsa Gabor
My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.
_Rodney Dangerfield
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
_Coleridge
One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.
_Benjamin Franklin
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
_Henry Youngman
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
_Phyllis Diller
If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
_Hellfire Hotchkiss
All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
_Lord Byron
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
_Jimmy Durante.
» Filed Under Funny Quotes