Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he’d have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

“How come?,” his nephew asked.

“My plane has been grounded,” Brendan explained.

“Grounded?” the little boy said. “I didn’t know planes had parents.”

TOM: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

TOM: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

TOM : “HIJKLMNO”!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

TOM : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honored, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.

O.M.G., I’m rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Crystals in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood

Lead in the Arse

Iron in the Arteries

And

An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I’d accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.

Q. How Many American Tourists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

A. Fifteen.

Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on “how funny-looking” local light bulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don’t come out.