Four Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different college and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their almamater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.

They continued to argue all the way up the mountain and finally, as they reached the top, the Orangeman hurled himself off mountain, shouting, “This is for Syracuse U,” as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone, the Husky threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming, “This is for Connecticut!” Seeing this, the Moutaineer walked over and shouted “This is for everyone!” and pushed the Cardinal off the side of the mountain.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

*****************************************************************

Four Ants are moving through a forest.They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We can cry and get off speeding fines.

Taxis stop for us.

We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

If we’re dumb, some people will find it cute.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

A guy lookin for a work!!!
The manager asks: You drink?
The guy: No sir,
The manager: You smoke?
The guy: no no sir!
The manager: Any weak points u have , to share, before getting into ur job?
The guy: Lie sometimes!!