Once a wife was pregnant and she started having labor pains, so she was hurriedly rushed to the hospital. Unfortunately her husband was out of station when he received a call from the doctor. He hung up and didn’t know how to redial the number so he tried to remember it but couldn’t get it right. So he went to the umpires phone – a person who keeps the record of the score of the cricket match.
He went upto the umpire while the umpire was already on phone and asked the umpire thinking that he is talking to that same doctor and asked that “What’s the condition? The umpire answered “4 are out and 8 are about to be out soon”.

Once a mother cleaning her house went to her daughters bedroom to set the things right. She was amazed to see that the room was all set. As she was about to leave the room she found envelop on the bed saying “MOM”. She opened the letter with her trembling hands and was scared to know of what the letter is a concern of. With great courage she finally opens and read the letter and it’s said:
“Mom I am sorry for what I am about to tell you. You may get shocked at once but that’s the reality of my life. I have written this letter so that there is no quarrel or bad conversations in the house. I want to tell you that I am leaving this house forever and going to live with Max. He is a great fellow and has great desires and passions for me. He has tattooed himself all over, wears biker clothes has a long beard and I have a baby from him. He wants lots many babies from me and this is his dream and now its mine dream too. He is into the business of cocaine and other drugs and he also told me that marijuana is not a bad thing so he will be trading cocaine, ecstasy with his friends. We’ll also pray that science may find the cure for AIDS soon so that max gets over with his Aids soon. I am a grown up of 15 years of age and I know what’s right and wrong for me so don’t worry I will live happily with my max and will send you the pictures of your grand children.
Yours loving daughter,
Rachel
Mom all the above written is not true at all. I just wanted to tell you that there are worst things in life than my report card. I am at my friends place. I have kept my report card on my study table, read it and call me when it’s safe for me to come.

Once there were three young boys who were standing in a railways station waiting for the train. The three young boys were the three best friends. They all were waiting and waiting for the train and finally an announcement was made that the train will be 2 Hours late. The three friends got tired and to pass the time they started to talk with each other. They talked of stuff all over the world. One was talking on the latest news around, one was busy listening to the chit chats and the third one was actively participating in the conversation.

Finally the train arrived after the delay of 2 hours. They all were so busy in their talks that they just didn’t notice that the train has come. They were full on in their laughing and playing and making every possible argument possible. Now it was the time for the train to leave from the station. The three friends busy with their conversation at last looked at the train moving. It was high time for them to notice the train. The three ran as fast as they could to catch it. Two out of the three were able to climb up the train. The first jumped up into the train and helped the second friend to jump up and the second tried to help the third but somehow the third friend couldn’t catch it.

All people around were seeing this scene. The third friend who was left started laughing loudly. One man from the crowd curious to know the reason for his laugh went up to him and asked that you just missed your train and what is it that’s making you laugh?
The third answered that the two who climbed up the train were happened to be my friends and I was the one who had to catch the train as I had to go for an interview and they were here just here to drop me!

Shower like Woman:

Take off your clothes and sort them according to darks and whites in the laundry are.
Wear a long gown and move towards the bathroom if you find your husband comming your way quickly rush to the bathroom hiding yourself from him.
enter the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror making all sexy and hot postures and complaining in case you have gained weight well that hardly matters just complain even if you have not that’s how a woman prepares herself for a shower.
Now that you have looked yourself in the mirror go for a shower take the shampoo which contains at at least 93 minerals in it with extra nourishment. wash it twice and then to soften your hair more use a conditioner having extra smoothing chemicals. Slowly take off the conditioner by massaging your scalp for about 15 minutes.
Shave your armpits and legs and the bikini area. Its preferred if you wax it out.
Get off the shower and dry yourself like a princess with a soft towel. Use separate towel for hairs.
Again see yourself in the mirror check for any spots or so and if found any take them off with the tweezers and all.
wear he long gown get into your bedroom and if found husband there quickly hide yourself from him.
Take hour and a half to dress yourself….and you are done..

Shower like a man:

take of your clothes while you still in abed and leave them as such.
walk naked to the bathroom and if see a wife in between make a loud shout.
walk to the bathroom look yourself in the mirror and make a manly physique giving a big grin on your face.
go for a shower no need of any conditioners or so just wash your face and your armpits wih the soap.
laugh when making farts in the shower. Piss right away while showering. shampoo your hair but do not condition them.
Go out and half dry yourself with the towel and tie the towel around your waist. leave the lights and fans of your bathroom on with the floor wet.
return to your bedroom with the towel on and if you see the wife on your way take off your towel hold to your knob and thrust pelvis at her.
Wear the same yesterday’s clothes.

Choose which way you wanna use for showering yourself..LOL

You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.

I bought this Valentine’s card at the store, In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.

Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class, Especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so’s your ass.

I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend on Valentines day. As they had only just started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to Harrods and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love