School Gifts

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Some flowers.” ”
That’s right” the boy said, “but how did you know?”
“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”
“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.
“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
“Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”
With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

Showering Habbits

Shower like Woman:

Take off your clothes and sort them according to darks and whites in the laundry are.
Wear a long gown and move towards the bathroom if you find your husband comming your way quickly rush to the bathroom hiding yourself from him.
enter the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror making all sexy and hot postures and complaining in case you have gained weight well that hardly matters just complain even if you have not that’s how a woman prepares herself for a shower.
Now that you have looked yourself in the mirror go for a shower take the shampoo which contains at at least 93 minerals in it with extra nourishment. wash it twice and then to soften your hair more use a conditioner having extra smoothing chemicals. Slowly take off the conditioner by massaging your scalp for about 15 minutes.
Shave your armpits and legs and the bikini area. Its preferred if you wax it out.
Get off the shower and dry yourself like a princess with a soft towel. Use separate towel for hairs.
Again see yourself in the mirror check for any spots or so and if found any take them off with the tweezers and all.
wear he long gown get into your bedroom and if found husband there quickly hide yourself from him.
Take hour and a half to dress yourself….and you are done..

Shower like a man:

take of your clothes while you still in abed and leave them as such.
walk naked to the bathroom and if see a wife in between make a loud shout.
walk to the bathroom look yourself in the mirror and make a manly physique giving a big grin on your face.
go for a shower no need of any conditioners or so just wash your face and your armpits wih the soap.
laugh when making farts in the shower. Piss right away while showering. shampoo your hair but do not condition them.
Go out and half dry yourself with the towel and tie the towel around your waist. leave the lights and fans of your bathroom on with the floor wet.
return to your bedroom with the towel on and if you see the wife on your way take off your towel hold to your knob and thrust pelvis at her.
Wear the same yesterday’s clothes.

Choose which way you wanna use for showering yourself..LOL

Funny Valentine’s Slogan

You’re a honey. . . and you’re a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo’s “booty”.

I bought this Valentine’s card at the store, In hopes that, later, you’d be my whore.

Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn’t $250 a night.

I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class, Especially when I’m spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so’s your ass.

I don’t wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let’s do it, I’m horny!

If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I’m fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

Funny Valentines Gift

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend on Valentines day. As they had only just started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girlfriend’s younger sister, he went to Harrods and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love

Funny Gift’s for Valentines

Valentine’s Day Love-O-Meter:
This is a device in which both the mates enjoy pressing the fingers on the meter revealing whats in your hearts. Can get risky lol!

Body Pens:
Well why not use body pens as a desert after the romantic dinner on valentines day licking your tongue with these pens giving real naughty signs to your valentine.

T-Equalizer Shirts:
These shirts are available for both men and women electro luminescent designs having an EQ panel which is connected to a battery pack and is sound activated, an ideal funny gift giving fishy sounds on yours valentine day celebration.

Candy Bra and Candy G-String:
These sweets are so funny to present on your valentines day. Your boy friend or husand would love to eat these candies provoking there romantic nerves. Well eating candy underwear will be the perfect sweet to give after the romantic dinner.

Intelligence

One day a mother told her daughter while paying that if she prays for 4 years her 3 wished will be fulfilled by a fairy godmother. The girl excited to fulfill her 3 wishes agreed to it and regularly prayed for 4 years without a miss. Finally a fairy godmother visits her and ask her 3 wishes on a condition that whatever she will ask for if she has a boyfriend he will get 10 times more of what she gets.

Girl after a long thought agrees to her condition as she had a boyfriend.

Girls first wish: Make me 10 times richer than the richest person in the world.
Godmother said: your boyfriend will get 10 times richer than you.
Girl: its ok hardly matters.
So her first wish gets fulfilled.

Girl’s second wish: make me 10 times more beautiful than the beautiful girl in the owrld.
Godmother:your boyfriend will get 10 times handsome than the handsome boy of the world.
girl:no problems let him be.
so her second wish is also fulfilled.

Girl’s third wish: give me a mild heart attack.
Godmother: are you sure you want this.
Girl: with a fishy smile said yes i am very sure.
so her last wish also gets fulfilled.

Now think, what would be the condition of his boyfriend. he got a severe attack and died at once. this shows how intelligent the girls are. Is that so?? NOO
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In fact the boy got 10 times milder heart attack and survived for long as the richest and most handsome boy of the world. this shows that girls are not that intelligent than what we think them to be. so if you have a girlfriend don’t worry.

What should a man do when he sees his wife upset ?

There was a couple who were residing in California having their own farms and was quite rich comparative to the other residents.
Wife told her husband that I am upset today. Husband wondering how to cheer her up did all what he can to impress his wife. He prepare meal food her, did all the household work etc. wife wondering that without asking me that whats the reason for me getting upset, her husband is doing all her work. wife got naughty. His wife made him do everything, from cleaning till washing when all was done. the husband came up to her and said that I hope you not upset now, the wife with a grin said I was never upset I wanted to give you the news that I have inherited a great sum from my ancestors.