There is this guy who goes to the bartender one night. He asks the bartender for a glass of beer as usual. The bartender seeing him sounding really low asks “What’s the problem Dude! Why looking sad?” The guy answers “Well! My wife and I had a fight and she said that she will not talk to me for a month.” The bartender says “So, Whats wrong? I would have been happy If I was in your place.” The guy said in a low tone “Yeah! Yeah! Well the month is over tonight.” Lol!

There is this man who goes to the bar. After going in he realizes that its a gay bar. But unable to control his urge for a glass of beer he thinks to himself that “I am not a gay, But I have to have that beer” So he stays and goes up to the bartender. He asks the bartender for a glass of beer. The bartender asks him “Whats the name of your Penis?” The man extremely in anger says “What the hell! I am not the man you are thinking. Get outta here and give me my drink.” The bartender tells him “I am sorry I cannot until you tell me the name of your penis.” So the man asks “What the name of yours?” The bartender replies “Its Nike, Just Do it!!” So the man says “Mines is Secret” Bartender confused asks “Why Secret?” The man replies “Its secret because It’s strong enough for a man and is meant for a woman.”

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
“Well,” said a customer, “I never saw anything as peculiar as that!”
“What’s so peculiar about it?” the bartender said. “His wife sent him out for a jar of olives.”

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at that moment he looked up at the boss standing in the doorway staring at him. Doing a bit of fast thinking he said, “Hi boss, did you see that fellow just now? Came in here, bought a double martini, gave me a five dollar tip, and rushed out without paying.”

A guy rushes into a bar, orders four expensive 30-year-old single malts and has the bartender line them up in front of him. Then without pausing, he quickly downs each one. “Whew,” the bartender remarked, “you seem to be in a hurry.”
“You would be too if you had what I have.”
“What do you have?” the bartender sympathetically asked.
“Fifty cents.”

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

Corona’s president sits down and says, “Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

Then Budweiser’s president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.

Coors’ president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and the Guinness president replies, “Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.”