TOM: Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?

TOM: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

TOM : “HIJKLMNO”!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

TOM : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. – Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. – Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It’s a bug.

After a church service, a little boy told the Pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”

“Well, thank you,” the Pastor replied, “that would be very nice of you,” he smiled, “but why?”

“Because my daddy says you’re the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.

She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill.”

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon, bragging to one another about their successful sons. The first woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps in, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third woman crone says, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he’s called ‘Your Eminence’.”