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Now that I’ve lived to see this day,
These are the things I must but say.

Die a bachelor, if your options are few,
Never ever love a female programmer,
they’ll make a program out of you.

Don’t laugh it away, mine has been an object lesson,
They find syntax errors, even in a romantic expression.

Alas! They search logic in love, where there is none,
Your heart may skip a beat and they just hit return.

You are in for trouble if you persist,
You’ll just be a pointer in her long linked list.

They would never oblige you even with a smile,
And if a smile comes to their lips, they consign it to a file.

They have little regard for your amorous approaches,
Plight will be yours, infinite loops and blunderous gouaches.

You are bitten by different bugs, though love it may appear,
Just when you think you’re going steady, you’ll get a run-time

And if your beloved is a programmer in COBOL,
May God be with you for they are the worst of them all.

Sticklers for standards, you’ll have a rough time,
You’ll die of keeping tabs, in your youth prime.

Beauty and brain together, which was never meant to be,
They have them both and are for sure deadly.

And yet there are Heroes who’s love has made history,
But why their fates didn’t hang is still a mystery.

So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,
Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an Analyst.

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10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom.

8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.

6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

5) You find yourself typing ”com” after every

4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.

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A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later

The User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me
know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

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I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.
I was against it and an argument started.
I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.
He responded, “When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?”
And I said “See, even people who write viruses don’t support Macs.”

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

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Hard Disk Women:
She remember Everything ,FOREVER

Ram Women:
She forgets about you,the moment you turn her off.

Windows Women:
Everyone know’s that she can’t do a thing right,but no one can live without her.

Excel Women:
She can do lot of thing,But you mostly use her for your basic needs.

ScreenSaver Women:
She is good for nothing but atleast she is fun.

Internet Women:
Difficult to access.

Server Women:
Always Busy When you need her.

Multimedia women:
She makes horrible things looks beatiful.

CDROM Women:
She is always faster and faster

Email Women:
Every ten things she says,eight are nonsense.

Virus Women: Also known as WIFE.When you are not expecting her ,she comes install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose something.If you dont try to uninstall her,you will lose everthing.

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

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