Engineering Pick-up Lines

I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.

You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?

How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

You’re sweeter than glucose.

We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.

Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me?

Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?

Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.

You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers - Funny Joke

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineering Belief - Funny Joke

Normal people believe that if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

Engineers believe that if it isn’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

Meany Engineer - Funny Joke

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Hi George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Engineering Joke

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.

The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

Engineering Problem!!

The great mathematician John Von Neumann was consulted by a group who was building a rocket ship to send into outer space. When he saw the incomplete structure, he asked, “Where did you get the plans for this ship?”
He was told, “We have our own staff of engineers.”
He disdainfully replied: “Engineers! Why, I have complete sewn up the whole mathematical theory of rocketry. See my paper of 1952.”

Well, the group consulted the 1952 paper, completely scrapped their 10 million dollar structure, and rebuilt the rocket exactly according to Von Neumann’s plans. The minute they launched it, the entire structure blew up. They angrily called Von Neumann back and said: “We followed your instructions to the letter. Yet when we started it, it blew up! Why?”
Von Neumann replied, “Ah, yes; that is technically known as the blow-up problem - I treated that in my paper of 1954.”

Top Ten Things Engineering School didn’t Teach You

1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
6. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
7. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
8. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
9. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
10. Dilbert is not a comic strip, it’s a documentary.