Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he’d have to wait an additional three hours in the airport.

“How come?,” his nephew asked.

“My plane has been grounded,” Brendan explained.

“Grounded?” the little boy said. “I didn’t know planes had parents.”

A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. “That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad”, he said to his boss. Should I give him his money back? Money back? Roared the boss. What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.

In Bowie, Maryland USA, a robber entered a bank and gave a teller a note demanding cash. After his demand was honored, he fled. Upon returning home, he was amazed to find the police waiting for him. It appears he had written the note on the back of his bank deposit slip.

O.M.G., I’m rich!

Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth

Crystals in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood

Lead in the Arse

Iron in the Arteries

And

An inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I’d accumulate such wealth, now I can buy that gold-plated yacht and the Bentley.

Q. How Many American Tourists Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

A. Fifteen.

Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on “how funny-looking” local light bulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don’t come out.

A little girl walks into her parents’ bathroom and notices for the First time, her father’s nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn’t have. She asks, “What are those round things hanging there, daddy?”
Proudly, he replies, “Those, sweetheart, are God’s Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn’t be here.”

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said. To which mommy asks, “Did he say anything about the dead branch they’re hanging from?”