LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Funny Joke

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

This joke was submitted by Punam.

Indian Chief’s Signal - Funny Joke

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card. So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: “Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!” The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back - once again, with the smoke:

“OK, chief, but why so much ?”

At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky… The tribe signals:

“Ok, Ok, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?”

Commanding The Dumb

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”

Bragging about old times - Funny Joke

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”

“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”

“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”

Yo mama is so hairy - Funny Joke

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!

Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.

Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Yo mama is so ugly - Funny Joke

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said “Sorry, no professionals.”

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said “What a treasure!” and her father said “Yes, let’s go bury it.”

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say “Wow, is it Halloween already?”

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn’t date her!

Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

What do brunettes miss most about a great party? Funny Joke

What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation

This joke was submitted by Sohel.