Once an old couple went to a doctor. The doctor told the Old man than I need to conduct some tests on you. For that I need a feces sample, a urine sample and a blood sample of yours. The old man hears and says “What??” The doctor again repeats saying “I need a feces, a urine and a blood sample of yours.” The old man again asks “What??” The doctor yells on him this time saying “I need your feces sample, Urine Sample and a Blood sample!!!!” Than the old woman replies the doctor telling him that ” Doc! My husband need a pair of your underwear’s.”

There were this man and a woman who smacked into each others car and made a terrible accident. Fortunately both of them were safe, not even a scratch was there on them but their cars were completely destroyed. Both of them comes out of their cars and the woman says “Well its God’s signal that we both are safe and should spend rest of the days of our lives together.” Man completely flattered by her talks and stunned by her beauty says “Well surely it is and so we should stay together from now on.” The woman continuing her talk says “It’s by God’s grace that this miracle happened and look what! there’s one more miracle. I had a bottle of wine with me which didn’t break in the accident.” The man says “Well then lets celebrate!” The woman hands him the bottle and the man drinks it to the half. After drinking it to half he hands it to the woman. The woman takes it puts the cap of the bottle back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks “Won’t you drink some?” The woman replies “No, I think I should better wait for the police.” Lol!!

A farmer hires a college boy to help him in this summer. After the summers were over he was quite happy with the work the college boy did for him. So he calls the boy and tells him that “You were very good in your work all this summer. So I have decided to throw you a party for your good work.” The college boy excited says “Thanks man! I really worked hard and want some rest now.” The farmer said “Are you ready enough to endure lots of beer coz there will be hell lot of drinking going on in here?” The boy says “Yes I will be able to as I can endure as much as anyone could, So I will be just fine with it.” Then the farmer tells him “That there will also be lots fighting going on in here? Are you ready for it.?” The boy says “Yeah, My body is in pretty good shape working all this summer so I can handle it.” Than the farmer tells “Well I forgot to mention that there is also going to be lots of sex in here? The college boys says “Well WOW! I need some action now after all this summer.” Then the boy asks the farmer “Well What should I wear for the party?” The farmer replies “It doesn’t matter, wear anything, Its just going to be me and you.” LOl!!

There were three friends lost in a desert area. They were extremely hungry, thirsty, worn out and were looking for someone for a little bit of help. While walking, well merely dragging themselves they spotted a house. They thought of it a mirage but then realized that its in reality. One of the friend who had little strength to walk went upto the house and rung the doorbell. The first friend asked for help from the rich looking women who opened the door. The women said ” Well what will I get helping out you guys? ” the boy answered that ” We will do anything but please give us some food and water to drink.” The women replies ” Ok! I will but in return you have to do sex with me.” listening to that the first friend totally got puzzled. The women was so ugly that no one would do sex with her even if someone is dying and needs help desperately. He refuses and goes.
He tells everything to his friends. The Second fried thinking his friend to be a fool says that ” you got a nice opportunity to have sex. Only a fool would do such a mistake. He goes and the woman again comes. The woman is so horribly ugly that he refuses too.
Now the third friend was a wiser one. He knew that the only chance to save their lives is to go up to the woman and do whatever she says. So he goes upto her and finds that the woman is seriously horribly ugly. But he says yes on her asking for sex. They go to the kitchen and there were some corns lying. The women is desperate to do sex so without waiting for more she hurriedly asks him to do it. The third friend does it once. The woman likes it so much she says ” That I will give you a brand new car if you do it once more.” So he does it twice. Than the Woman again says ” That I will give you whole of my property if you it once more.” The woman had never experienced such good sex in her life. The third friend does it thrice too.
When he comes out of the house his friends came laughing and said ” you got the money but you missed three yummy and tasty buttered corns.” The third friend smiled wickedly and says that ” they were not buttered corns ”
Now you may have guessed it that they were actually the corns he used for sex with the woman and that was not butter. LOL!!

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

“You must mean the lift,” he said.

“No,” the American responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”

“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call them lifts”.

“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”

“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England invented the language.”

A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. “No problem,” the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the second engine broke down, and the train slowed to a dead stop. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly.”