Once there was this guy who goes to a beach completely nude. Though it was a beach visited by many but on seeing no body their he dropped his towel, giving a damn, and lie on the ground with a newspaper on his private area just to be on safer side. A little girl comes to him and says “Sir! What’s underneath your newspaper?” The guy replies “Well! Its a birdy and dare not touch it!” So he goes to sleep. After a while he wakes up and sees himself in this hospital and his private area is paining dreadfully which he could feel horribly. The doctors asks him “How did this happen?” He tells “I remember nothing except that I was visited by a young girl.” So the cops on hearing the statement goes to this girl and asks “What have you done to that guy?” The little girl replies “I was just playing with the birdy and then he threw this white sticky liquid on me. I got angry so I twisted its neck, stamped on the eggs and fired the nest. But I did nothing to him!”

Shopkeeper Smith was alarmed when a new business, much like his own, opened in the storefront to the left of him. A huge sign was installed, reading BEST DEALS.

Mr. Smith was troubled a second time when another competitor leased the building on his right, and erected a much larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

At this point Smith was really depressed, however, he came up with an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop…it read MAIN ENTRANCE.

A woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, “Thank Heavens I’ve made it in time! Have you any turkey?” The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only turkey, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 4 1/2 pounds.

“Ah, haven’t you anything bigger?” the woman inquires. The butcher returns the turkey to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scale shows 7 1/4 pounds.

“Marvelous!” says the woman. “I’ll have both of them please.”

How many merchants does it take to change a light bulb?

“The light bulb that I sold you doesn’t work? You must be using a non-standard socket.”

There were two grocers, Smith and Jones, in the same street. Smith had a sign in his window, “Avocados, 20 pence a pound”. A woman goes in and asks for some. “Sorry love”, said Smith, “I haven’t got any in just now; come back on Wednesday”.

So she goes on up the street to Jones. But his avocados are 2 pounds-fifty a pound! But at least he has them in stock.
“That’s a bit steep isn’t it? Smith’s are only 20 pence a pound”.
“Yeah”, says Jones, “and when I haven’t got any in stock, mine also are only 20 pence a pound!”

A merchant teaches his son the secrets of the trade: “When you charge a customer $100, and he pays you by mistake $200, you have an ethical dilemma — should you tell your partner?”