Being vague about what you want

Turning slip-ups to give-ups

Not having backup plans

Trying to go it alone

Procrastinating and excuse-making—no time, wrong time, dog ate homework

Not making a serious commitment

Not setting up a tracking and reminder system

Expecting perfection, falling into guilt, shame, regret

Unwilling to go through the awkward phase

Telling yourself self-limiting rut stories

I will be more imaginative – 30 year old ‘Creative Person’

I will rename my dog something really strange and long – Exotically Inclined Person

I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation – Secular Person

I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when they think of me – Goody Good Two Shoes

I will go on long ego trips – Honest Egoist

I will not let lose my bodily functions right when somebody is walking underneath – Crow on the top branch of the tree

I will have noble thoughts – Impure Thinker

I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth – Honest Wordsmith

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size and screech in her ear after my human has finished watching a horror movie. – Pet Cat

I will not bite the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.- Pet Dog

With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year – Organic Eater

I’ll help the Green House Effect and stop throwing my rubbish into the school drain – Tween boy

I will not hang around girls – they think you love them and that sucks – Tween boy

I will flit gently into the night – Fruit Bat

I will stop throwing water down from the top floor at our school at the people passing below – Tween boy

I will never squat again with my spurs on – Cowboy

I will never again smack a man that’s been chewing tobacco – Cowboy

I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. – Experienced Bouncer

I will remember it isn’t worthwhile wrestling with pigs – you get all muddy and don’t the pigs just love it! – Experienced Mud Wrestler and Pig Keeper.

I will take neither myself nor any of the above seriously – Me

I will not look at boys – 13 year old girl

I will not tell the same story at every get together- Incorrigible bore

I will eat ice-cream at midnight – every midnight of the year, I mean, not just this one – Ice-cream Connoisseur

I will not let the dog hog the pillow, growl at me from the sofa, and snatch the bun from my plate – this year she’s going to learn that I’m the Alpha of the house and only I get to do certain things – Owner of untrained dog.

I won’t worry so much – Fuss Budget

I will not tell lies – 10 year old liar.

I need to start worrying a little – The Merry Spirit

I will cut my hair – Longhaired person

I will grow my hair – Shorthaired person

I will shave my head – Hairy person

I will polish my pate – Bald person

I don’t need no STINKING resolutions! – Resolute Stinker

This year I’m going to be kind – Unkind Person

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant – Lazy and Smart Fellow.

This year I’m going to stop being so nice – Person who overdid it.

So many men, so little time – will make more time – Young Woman
I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll TELL him he stinks! – Diffident classmate of Lazy and Smart Fellow

I will quack like a duck first thing in the morning and last thing at night – Donald Duck Fan

I’m going to learn cuss words in different languages – Expert Cusser in Own Language.

If I see a UFO I won’t tell anybody about it – Spoilsport

I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month – Muffin Lover

Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.

Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush my ass.

Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.

Always scoot before licking.

Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.