Do you drink? Girl’s father asked Santa. Santa says: first tell me whether it’s a question or invitation?

Santa teaching grammar to Banta:
If more than one mouse is mice then more than one spouse is spice!!!!

Teacher Questions Santa: Which animal flies in the air, but gives birth to young ones on land?
Santa (excited for the first time because he knows the answer)
Santa: AIR HOSTESS!!!!

Banta asks Santa:
What comes first the chicken or the egg?
Santa Answer: Stupid! Whatever you will order first will come first.

Teacher Asked her students to write an essay on “Cricket Match”
All were busy writing their essay except our intelligent Santa. He wrote:
Due to rain No Match.

The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”

On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.

A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a triangle.

I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy – for birth control.

My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror…I feel like throwing up; What’s wrong with me?” He said…”I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”

A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies “No, not until you cut your hair!”. The boy replies “But father…Jesus had long hair!” to which his father says, “Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere.”

Richard Nixon, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton are on the titanic. When it starts to sink Carter yells, “Quick, save the women and children!” Nixon: “Screw the women and children” Clinton: “Do we have time?”

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?

A. Tomato Paste!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!

Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?

A. A deviled egg!

Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?

A. A turkey!

Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?

A. A stomach-cake!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

A. He felt crummy!

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?

A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?

A. She couldn’t control her pupils!