Can’t Go To School

“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more-that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There’s a hole inside my ear.

I have a hangnail, and my heart is - What?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is …….Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

Funny Valentine’s Poem

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Sugar is sweet and so are you…
The Roses are wilting, the violets dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

I see your face when i am dreaming…
that is why i wake up screaming.

My feelings for you no words can tell…
exept for maybe ” go to hell”

i love you smile, your face and you eyes,
damn i’m good at telling lies!

my darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
marrying you really screwed up my life!

What inspired this amorous rhyme?…
two parts vodka, one part lime.

Funniest Valentine poem- computers a prob!

Since my Valentine got a computer,

My love life has taken a hit.

Nothing I say is important,

Unless it’s a byte or a bit.

Before she got her new laptop,

Everything was just fine;

Now she says we can’t talk

Unless we both go online.

“But honey,” I said, “I’m attached to you;

Love is what I feel.”

“That keyword isn’t relevant,”

She said, with eyes of steel.

She clicked the keyboard furiously;

The screen was all she could see,

And then to my horror and shame,

She started describing me:

“Your motherboard needs upgrading;

Your OS needs help, too.

And you definitely need a big heatsink

To cool your CPU.”

“Don’t flame me, my sweet,” I pleaded.

“Not on Valentine’s Day.”

“Fix the bugs, and I’ll see,” she said,

While looking at me with dismay.

“What ever you want, my darling;

Whatever you need; you call it.

I’ll upload or download anything,

And then I’ll go install it.”

(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,

And though I don’t want to fight her,

Is this what I want for a Valentine?

I’ve been burned; can I rewrite her?)

“Are you all hard drive now,” I asked;

“Is there no software in you?

Don’t you remember the good times?

Let our memories see us through.”

“LOL,” she said to me, chuckling.

“You’re nothing but adware.

I’ve got a gig of memory;

I’ve got no problem there.”

“Please, honey, we can save it,” I said.

“Our love means more than that.”

“That’s not in my cache; we’re going to crash,”

She said, as she turned me down flat.

(This woman has really changed;

Do I really want to chase her?

More and more I’m thinking

It might be nice to erase her.)

“Aw, honey, don’t talk like that,” I said.

“Can’t we just plug and play?

I hereby accept default,

And I’m yours, my love, come what may.

“My goal is to make you happy;

I want to be your portal,

But your sudden, distant coldness

Would test the strongest mortal.

“If we need a brand new interface,

So we can FTP,

I’m your go along, get along guy,

And I want you to stay with me.”

“If you want to get into my favorites,” she said,

And you want to get past my encryption,

If you want to get through my firewall,

Here is my only prescription.

“First, put up your own Web site,

And e-mail me when it’s done.

I’ll check your page rank with Google,

And tell you if you’re the one.”

My life has become quite a trial,

Since my Valentine got a computer

If I want her to care about me again,

I guess I’ll have to reboot her.

Be Careful

I went to the doctor -
He reached down my throat,
He pulled out a shoe,
And a little toy boat,
He pulled out a skate
And a bicycle seat,
And he said, “Be more careful
About what you eat.”

Loosing Weight..A D.I.E.T

Don’t Ingest, Extra Things is D. I. E. T.
If you want to loose some weight
Spring is coming, you’ll be shedding winter clothes
Which is hiding all the goodies you ate,

You need to cut down on the cookies
And the candy and the extra things you enjoy,
Those ” goodies’ you ate watching television
I’ts time to loose that weight, oh boy,

Don’t Ingest Extra Things is D. I. E. T.
It’s never to late to start,
It’s healthier for your in the long run,
Particularly for your heart.

Do Not Read !

If you reading this you stupid az hell shit my little niece kan read and she aint even twelve dam kan’t you read i said do not read this letter and next time i think you should listen more better hahahaha you make me laugh your so retarded that i got to ask how did you even pass pass to the next grade to go to high skool dam dude your makin a fool of your self so next time when i say DO NOT READ i think you should listen to what i have to say and read on a little far or else your gonna get dropped by your homegirl native star.

Questions put to God

I’ve asked myself this question so many times,
I thought I would try and put it to rhym.
Does God like someone who interferes
In someone else’s business and affairs?
Does he appreciate someone who is always putting their nose where it doesn’t belong?
Someone who has done it for way too long.
Someone who takes it upon themselves
To add their two cents where it doesn’t belong.
Does God like a nosey person who has nothing better to do
Than to put their nose where it doesn’t belong?
I dont think He does, do you?