The sincerest love is the love of food.
_Bernard Shaw .

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.
_Josh Billings

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What ..does a woman want?”
_Freud

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
_David Bissonette

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.”
_Mae West

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
_Ambrose Bierce

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
_Oscar Wilde

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
_Zsa Zsa Gabor

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.
_Rodney Dangerfield

The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
_Coleridge

One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.
_Benjamin Franklin

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
_Henry Youngman

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
_Phyllis Diller

If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
_Hellfire Hotchkiss

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
_Lord Byron

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
_Jimmy Durante.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!
_Yogi Berra.

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,”
_Calvin.

Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?
_Calvin and Hobbes.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
_Rodney Dangerfield

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
_Albert Einstein

Marriage is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.
_Lisa Hoffman.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

A rich man’s joke is always funny.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
_Winston Churchill.

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.