In the world of romance, one single rule applies Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects — Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.

A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage?”

The Russian says, “What’s meat?”

The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion?”

The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?? What’s excuse me?”

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: Sure, buddy.

Officer: That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.

Soldier: Do you have change for a dollar?

Soldier: No, SIR!

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on “Knowing my own Hidden Secrets” and “Lies and Deceit,” a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

“I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my Income Taxes. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net.

Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at
least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”