A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was
1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing
the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent
the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I
continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a
fortune of $1.37.”

“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.

“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us
two million dollars.”

One day Mr President was traveling by his car. Suddenly a pig came before
the car. The driver couldn’t hit the brake at the right time and
unfortunately the pig was killed in the accident.

At the sight Mr President was deeply moved and felt very upset He called the
driver and said,”call the person whose pig has been killed,i will give him a compensation “.

At his words the driver went to the nearest village and came back after
some time with a tilak on his forehead, garlands around his neck and
lots of money in his hands!!!

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, “How much for a season pass?

HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU HAVE :
an american salary
a british home
a chinese food
a german car
an indian wife

HELL IS WHEN YOU HAVE :
an american wife
a british food
a chinese car
a german home
an indian salary

John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter? Peter : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.