Once there was an airline’s flight which got canceled and there was a long line of passengers who wanted to re-book their flights and for all this work only one female agent was appointed. The passengers were very unhappy and one of the passenger was getting really mad. He broke the line went up to the counter slammed his ticked with a bang and yelled at the lady agent saying “I will not stand in the line..I want my ticket Now!! Do you hear that?” The lady understanding the impatience politely asks him to wait and be in line as she has to attend the ones who came first but this man is just not ready to understand and again yells at her “Don’t you understand what I just said? Do you know who I am?” The lady picks up her microphone and makes an announcement around that area that “There is this man who has forgotten who he is. If anyone could help him in this please come at the counter gate!” Listening to this the people standing laughed like anything. The man watching this gave a stern angry look to her and says “Fuck You!!!!” The lady agent says “I am very sorry sir, But you still have to be in line for that too..”

The first is Smurf Sex – This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you’re blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex – This is at the beginning of your marriage, you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex – You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom. The fourth kind is

Hallway Sex – This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, ‘F@CK YOU!’

The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.

One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?”

The Vicar said, “Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking.”

The villager said, “Arr, Vicar, that’s the way to fuck ‘em!”

A: What do you call a gay man’s scrotum?
Q: Mud flaps!

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting freaky with all the women, when suddenly the sheik came in.

“I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.”

The sheik turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.

“I’m a cop,” said the first man.

“Then we will shoot your dick off!” said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

“I’m a firemen,” said the second man.

“Then we will burn your dick off!” said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, “And you, what do you do for a living?”

The third man answered, with a sly grin, “I’m a lollipop salesman!”

Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and Hillary said to Janet, ‘You’re lucky that you don’t have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker.’

Janet responded, ‘Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that’s ‘politically correct’ for ugly) doesn’t mean I don’t have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances.’

Hillary asked, ‘Well,… how do you deal with the problem?’

‘Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest fart that I can.’

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when Hillary slipped into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and she was ready for him! She tensed up her butt cheeks and forced out the most disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.

Bill rolled over and asked, ‘Janet, is that you?’