On May Day, the girls of Penzance,
Being bored with the lack of romance,
Joined the Workers’ ParadeWith their banner displayed –
“What the Pants of Penzance need is Ants!”

A lissom psychotic named Jane
Once kissed every man on a train;
Said she: “Please don’t panic!
I’m just nymphomanic.
It wouldn’t be fun were I sane.”

There was a young lady called Harris,
That nothing could ever embarrass;
Till the bath-salts one day
In the tub where she lay
Turned out to be plaster of Paris.

There once was a lad named Kevin
Whose girlfriend was four foot eleven.
She looked at his cock
When it was hard as a rock,
And it was ten inches long…minus seven.

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this… ‘Looking for man with these qualifications; won’t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.’

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says “seven points.”

His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”

The old man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 7 to nothing.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie, score.”

After about ten minutes later he old man farts again and says, Touchdown I’m ahead 14 to 7.

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He narrowed it down to one of two people — Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work.

He finally decided that whichever one used the water cooler first the following morning would have to go.

The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude.

It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, “If that thing was full of ice cream, I’d eat every bite.”